karl

"Pissing everywhere isn't very Chanel."

I dare you to try to pick a favorite Karl Lagerfeld Quote. It's impossible!

KARL ON KARL

"I wanted to look, as a child, like my father because I thought he was chic because he was an older man. Not like those stupid young parents other children had."

"My sisters were sent away because my mother thought they were boring. I was not boring."

"When I was four I asked my mother for a valet for my birthday."

"I was never a feminist because I was never ugly enough for that."

"I am made of total egoism."

"I’m a kind of fashion nymphomaniac who never gets an orgasm."

"I am a sort of vampire, taking the blood of other people."

"I have no human feelings."

"In the whole world, there is nowhere I can go. In Japan, they touch me. I have Japanese women pinch my ass, so now I must say, 'You can have the photo, but please don't touch me.' You cannot pinch the ass of a man my age!"

"My work is concerned with a more poetic version of reality. I am no urologist." [In response to being asked why he never photographs his models completely nude]

"I'm not interested in history! That's very childish. That's Gay Pride."

"Cha Cha, I love. I was a champion in Cha Cha, world. I even remember very well and I do very well the Bolero. I don't know if you remember that one."

"I cannot go out without something for my eyes, because someone might throw chemicals in my face."

"I never smoked. I never drank and I never took drugs. The funny thing is, nothing is more boring, people like this. For me, it's OK. But most of my friends, at least they smoke and drink. "

"I live in a set, with the curtains of the stage closed with no audience - but who cares?"

"Loneliness is the high point of luxury for me. I need time to myself, otherwise I would not be who I am."

"I am like a caricature of myself, and I like that. It is like a mask. And for me the Carnival of Venice lasts all year long."

"I am basically the most superficial person in the world."

"I avoid thinking. I want to have an easy life without problems."

"You will have to wait for my memoirs to be published before you find it out my true age."

"I like to charm younger men. This has not changed."

"Because I love change, I’m attached to nothing."

OH SNAP!

"Girls have wanted to look like Kate Moss since she was an emaciated 15-year-old.Kate Moss has a lot of courage in the way she throws her life away in a very dangerous way, but that makes her so touching."

"With his big smile and gestures, he reminds me of a sales assistant in a Midwest department store - make that on the seventh floor." [On Michael Kors]

"If you want to see a retrospective of Alaïa, just look at what he's doing now."

"It’s a wonderful thing I’ve created with you, but now you’re a $5,000-tote-bag-wearing monster, and for that, I am sorry. Now sit down and be quiet! [To Kimora Lee]"

"Prints are for middle-aged women with weight problems." [On Balenciaga S/S08]

"My business plan has always been about working more than others to prove their uselessness."

"I don't know Heidi Klum. Claudia Schiffer also doesn't know who she is."

"Yesterday I had a problem. I said, ‘I’m sorry, you've got to tell this woman that she needs to be taken away. Her smell is not possible.'"

"I wish her all the luck in the world, just so long as I don’t have to see her anymore or hear her spoken about." (On Ines de la Fressange, his ex-muse)

KARL ON CHANEL

"Chanel is an institution, and you have to treat an institution like a whore."

"Pissing everywhere isn't very Chanel."

"What would you do if she (Coco) walked in now and said: 'What the f*ck are you doing with my fashion house?'I would say, 'Darling, this is no longer your business. Fuck you!'"

"When I took on Chanel she was a sleeping beauty. Not even a beautiful one. She snored."







HEALTH AND WELLNESS

"The body has to be impeccable. If it's not, buy small sizes and eat less food."

"Better a split personality than no personality at all."



"Vanity is the healthiest thing in life."



"I'm rather pro-prostitution. I admire people who do it. It can't be much fun. Thank goodness for it. People need relief or they become murderers."



"I never suffered from being overweight. At the time, oversized Japaneese fashion was all the rage. Call me a fashion victim, but when the pendulum swung back to skinny-fits I simply shrunk to follow the trend."



"Narrow rib cages are the chicest thing."



"I lost 200 pounds to wear suits by Hedi Slimane."



"If there's something dangerous, sauces are dangerous for the body."



"Some people would like me to be round again."

"Yes, some people say to me you're too skinny, but never a skinny person says that to me, only people who could lose a few pounds say that."

"If I lose even half a pound, I have two holes here in the face. I think for my bones and my size, I better stay with my 60 kilo."

"I never – you know also one of the things that would save me for a man my age, it was not that easy to lose that much weight and fall down and look like something draped."

"Coming out after a show is good discipline for me because I have to watch out that I don't look like an old garden gnome next to all these 20-year-old models."

"In France there are, I think, less than one per cent of people who are too skinny. There are nearly 30 per cent of young people who are too fat. So let’s take care of the zillions of the too fat before we talk about the percentage that’s left."

ON FASHION

"Don't use expensive clothes as a screen for your personal doubts."



"The discussion of fur is childish."

"I think after the ugly skinny boys of Hedi [Slimane's] days, some 'beauty' was needed, but new beauty."

"The best idea is always very basic and very stupid."

"One should perhaps not even call it cruise collection anymore because that's limited to a big ship with middle-aged people."



"Chic is a kind of mayonnaise, either it tastes, or it doesn't."



"Elegance has nothing to do with fashion."

"Sunglasses are like eyeshadow. They make everything look younger and prettier."

"There is a sort of melancholia which I find quite elegant after the 'bimbo years'.

"I hate the word 'cheap'. People are cheap. Clothing is either expensive or inexpensive."

"Luxury is for the rich, not the nouveau riche."

HOW TO LIVE

"I was young, I was rich, and I drove a swanky convertible. Times have changed. The only thing you get from cruising around in an open-roofed Mercedes-Benz these days is beer-can thrown into the backseat."



"The public does not know who Camilla [Parker-Bowles] is. She is the life of the party! She's sparkling, she's witty, she's ready for everything, and not pretentious, not one bit. If you had to make a choice to live with somebody, this is the one."



"They grow so fast, and having adult children makes you look 100 years old. I don’t want that."



"Life is not a beauty contest, some [ugly people] are great. What I hate is nasty, ugly people... the worst is ugly, short men. Women can be short, but for men it is impossible. It is something that they will not forgive in life... they are mean and they want to kill you."



"Gratitude is a sticky feeling."

"The worst thing is when friends say, ‘Remember the good old days?’ Forget about the good old days! That just makes your present secondhand. What is interesting is now. If you think it was better before, then you might as well commit suicide immediately."

"If you throw money out of the window, throw it out with joy. Don't say 'one shouldn't do that' - that is bourgeois."

"The iPod is genius. I have 300."