2011

so it has came down to this,the school year for 2010 is officialy over. the last two months have completely changed my perspective on everything and everyone around me. but since things have cooled down, i know from the bottom of my heart everything will work out. i haven't been myself since the day sept arrived. didnt wanna be arond people, kept things cool. until that faithful day, i met someone new.



now that i've met a few more people, the future isnt too bleak. but just because i'v met a coupla new people doesnt mean im completely satisfied with my life. i'm still stuck between the words "love" and " friendship". it will and remain the biggest battle i desperately need to fix. jealousy has taken over my whole body, destroying my heart, mind, and body. i no longer consider myself a reasonable person, let alone friendly to most. people just dont get me sometimes. i cry for help over people who dont even know me yet. and i hug the people who i dont even consider friends.


even though this school has JUST started, 2011 is going to be a life changing expierence. for once in my life i want my new years resolution to work out for me. and soo far its been working a bit earlier than expected. i dont really need someone to lean on anymore. 2011 is going to be about me. i need to stay away from people for next week or so. my life is already fucked up as it is, i dont need another drama to put me down. i'll change this week. everything needs to change. i want to become the person i never was in a long time. i'll do anything to change myself:loose tons of weight, change my hair, change my clothes. but i want more emotional change. i've come to realize that people are not willing to be my friend unless they came to me first, which usually/allways happens. then i'll determine if love will ever happen. also, a new hobby will help fix my emotional roller coaster. i really wanna start smoking soon. i know its going to destroy me, but its worth a try to find out who i really am and want i want to become before i start college. my friends already dont approve of my actions. but they need to understand i wanna fix myself before its too late(getting suspended, doing stuff outta school, etc.) and then the day will come, my parents will be proud of me for all the stuff i've been trough and how i overcame them. my mother allways tells me that i need to be happy in school. how can i be happy in an environment that is the pantomime of my emotional struggles? love is a huge factor in this whole fiasco.i dont need to find it anymore. but if the day arrives that i do end up falling in love, then good; because thats all you need to be extremely happy in life.


i wish i can talk more about this subject, but i have to go. 0m not excited about xmass