kim kardashian wedding

my hair seriously looks better, but i think the dye made the red prettier aswell?
it was a confusing day today, and it wasn't as fun. i guess that bipolar for you. and why am i listening to rap....i feel like a punk

so im analizing the last three months right now, and i now feel as if i've changed. when you have bipolar and have those "pyschotic-innocent" days.. you know something's wrong. the meds have been working.. i'm more concentrated on my work, but then again, i could be wrong; there are days i dont feel like doing anything. i guess im more sane when im drawing and taking pictures. anything else, forget about it. mental illness can change you're whole reality at once. one day you're soo happy you just wanna see someone.. then all of a sudden you see or expierence something that will put you off and the psychosis begins. most of the time i'm already depressed, but when im out of the house, i feel a bit more alive. thats why i love not being in my city on days when we're soo far away we can do anything we want before we get back home. however its not the same anymore. my life's a living nightmare and its bound to get worse, regardless of my mood. four years ago this manifested into what it is now...and it sucks that im going to live with this until i die. it feels as if i have to live life, and if i deserve all the punishment i haven't caused. in a way i do deserve it, i did soo much wrong last year and it has came back again. i literally have no time to make friends and be happy. all i want is my old friends back, they were the oes who kept my sane four years ago, when they left into the real world, i completely changed. i'm not this happy girl anymore. no one trusts me anymore, i got a bad rep at school, and no one cares. i do have friends, bt they dont compare the shit i had before. i could be wrong, but thats the way i feel. you know when everything you had is gone, you can't retrieve it again

lets end this blog on a light note. this damn song has been stuck in my head for the past two months now, i can dance to it..(since asian songs can be easy to dance too, if you know what you're doing, lol) but damn watching vids of other people dancing make me jealous hahaha, this girl is the best soo far.