finally, here's the FAQ, holly shiznit!

thank goodness, thank goodness,thank goodness, its finally friday. im praying i get to see that movie tonight, that will end this week of misery. listening to music while im finishing this project. i gave the college part to my teacher, found out that i wasn't done. i have to type up(i think?) a three paragraph essay on what the collage's about. ooohhhhhhh bother, oh bother! but today was cute though, didnt do a thing! but i almost got my ass introuble for comming to class late. oh well, it wasn't my fault.


since im in such a chatty mood today, i think its time for me to make of those crappy FAQs, since last year i never had the time to make one.
*needs to leave media center. going home finishing this when i come home *

ok, let the FAQs begin!(i made this btw, but some of these questions have been answered in real life, too.)

What's your name?
hahaha well, my name is listed on my photography website, so i dont need to repeat my self.

omg, you have a photography website?
as a matter of fact yes! i'm on flickr, but i recently stopped using it like facebook and i only post every while. i know it sucks because i dont have time to post my work all the time. but i'll get back at it very soon. once i have the fucking balls to upgrade that account.

i see you swear constantly, why is that?
honestly, i can't tell you. i've been cursing since i was 9 years old. i guess its par of my personality. people have told me to stop it though, but once you start swearing, trust me, you will not stop. thankgod i dont talk ghetto though(using the n-word every five seconds) like the kids at school. i just dont talk like that.

what are you like in the real world?
wow, thats a tough one to break, eh? haha well, lets just say, what you see is what you'll get. i know i sound like a cool ass person on this blogitty. but in real life, i fucking different. im really shy and i hate myself everyday in my life. i do go through everyday teenage drama that really isnt all that bad. but i can tell you this:i'm very nice to be around with, but deep down inside im really depresed.

why do you tend to post personal info on this blog such as pictures and information on your life? do you know that posting stuff like that WILL get you in trouble?
yes. i already got introuble three times for the writting stuff on here. people don't tend to understand me. when i tell personal stuff to people who want to know whats goin' on with my life, they tend to take it as if they should tell OTHER people about it. thats how my drama gets started 24/7. its also the main reason why i don't have alot of friends. when im really really mad and i got no one else to lean on, i turn to my blogsy. but i dont reveal too much info such as names and such. when im extremely upset i'll write it as a poem, or simply type "ssdd" on the top of the page. i know i should stop writing stuff about me on the internet, but really though its the only way i can express myself because i dont trust people.

but do you have friends who you could trust about things?
thats another story. i do have great friends who i can talk about my issues. but at the same time, its not the same as writing it paper. i dont know exactly why but i do have some jealousy issues with other people who have know clue who i am and what im dealing with. when im having an isue and i talk to my friends about it, it pisses me off even more because i end to view their lives and it makes me think, "wow, look at ************talking to ***********. they have better lives than me, i wish i was like them, i wish i can do things like that" there are many reasons why im soo jealous, it could be the fact that when i like someone, i tend to be weird about it but as i look at that person talk to other people it makes me feel uneasy. its like i want the same thing, but i try too hard and it backfires at my face.

so your life pretty much sucks, right?
yup. i've had a horrible expiernce with friendships in the past. and seriously though it breaks my heart knowing that i have to stay away from people for the rest of the year. i've done it before and i can do it again. i tend to become friends with epople the wrong way, and its bound to backfire after a month or soo. i rush into things too fast too quickly, and its all my fault that made a seamingly perfect friendship ende because i have acrush on that person and i take things too far. which is what ahppeended this year. soo i've made a pledgewith my friends and family that i'll stay away from epople as soon as possible. that'll help me ease the pain and look deep within myself about what i reaaly want in life: friendship or ever lasting love. i know i have friends that care about my safety, but its not the same. someone i wonder if my friends actually care abut me. in my mind i have high doubts that they do, because its the stuff that they say to me that hurts me. thats why i've allways wanted to stay away from people. but a make a move, which destroys me down the line. i know i'm talking way too much about this subject and really shouldn't be talking about it on the internet. but remeber my words "yes i do know that i have friends,but i can never fully trust them with my soul for anything, which is why i keep secrets from them, secrets that will destroy me once again for the rest of the year.

why is your blog filled with videos? its not like people are interrested in them
i loove watching youtube vids. anything i find hilarous its bound to be posted here or on my facebook. i need to watch things that makes me laugh. i dont care that people'll watch them i just want to entertain people once in a while. when im serious i'll post videos about things that address issues realting to society or celebrities acting out, like miley slut cyrus, http://www.popeater.com/2010/12/10/miley-cyrus-bong/?icid=main%7Chtmlws-main-n%7Cdl2%7Csec1_lnk3%7C189249

whats with you and fashion? y'know people dont give a shit about it, oh and your models are fugly. post real women on here girl!
for all the assclowns who think they know shit about fashion, fuck you. i'm planning on becoming a a model and designer goddamnit, its my life. i love looking at models who i find beautiful, interesting, or downright sexy. thats why i post them almost daily. their beauty inspires me to change my appearence, and get back on my diet. honeslty, i dont give a fuck that they're size zero or just lean looking, i wanna look like that. i like that kind of body shape, lean and beautiful. fyi, if i want to post "real" women on here, they'll be placed under the girls i find fucking hot topics. if you're here to just jack off to pictures of sexy women, im sorry this isnt the blog for you. simply put hit that x on the right hand corner and GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY PAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


you're a black girl right? why do you post asian songs on here?
i love asian people.i've been fascinated by japanese/korean music since i was in like the third grade. im my honest opinion i would rather listen to it than this crappy music america makes here.

why do you also post music that usually white people would listen too?
because im not into rap as much. besides asian pop, i listen to rock and alternative music. everyday i discover a new song and new bands. its really makes me happy that i find new music i can actually listen to and never get tired of it. like that russian band im beggining to love, they're music is amazing. i've come to realize that im not a ghetto person. some rap is good, but listening to it as a whole, bores meh. i'd rather rock out to system of a down, marilyn manson or turmion katilot than teaching people how to dougie.

why do you despise rap soo much?
its not that i " hate" rap, i'm growing tired of it. peoples' minds are turning into jello listening to this shit. i mean... seriosuly though, who the fuck is nicki minaj? who the fuck are wiz khalifa, waka flacka, or lil wayne? i dont get their appeal to kids. their songs may be good, but to me, people take that shit waay to seriosuly. worshipping lil wayne as the god of rap. oh my god people find something else to listen to.

when you're not online, what are you doin'?
y'know. watching movies. because im cool like that. or when im feeling affectionate, i'll snuggle wiff my kittys, because they need love every day. i mean im not a boy who masturbates constantly to porn just to get off. im a very normal person outside of school. chillin and illin' too bad i can't physiclly leave the house though.

do you like to watch tv?
not really. tv actually bores me now. i only watch it when my favourtie shows are about to be on, like cartoons. yes, i still watch cartoons!

has blogging changed you're view on the world?
i dont know yet! i started blogging just a year ago, and soo far its an amazing expierence. i would love to do this as a job, but sadly my mind is set on other things.

since you've became a blogger, have people actually commented on your posts?
yes! people tell me all the time that i inspire others. i've been praised about my blog soo much its crazy to think that epople actually love reading it. all i did was post my blog on facebook and, just like that people wre allready amazied by it. there are times my post are pointless, but they actually help people. this is how i want to people to get to know me. my personality already irritates people at school, but on cyberspace im a more normal person.

whats next? are you going to take over the world with you're fashion designs and body?
thats what im hopping! i cannot wait to make a big break withing the fashion industry,becoming well known for my modelng and fantasic taste in clothes.

tell us, who's the person responsible for the person you are today, as in why did you chose this dream of entering the fashion world by storm?
soo you wanna hear another story of my life right? well..

when i was younger i originally wanted to become an artist and prima ballerina. i would draw constantly so i can get better on my artistic skills, and i danced ballet around the house to achieve grace and balance. however i began to loose interest in dancing ballet and soon drawing wasn't much as a hobby either. it sucks because without those traits im litterally nothing but a simple girl who's desperate for love and friendship, everywhere she goes in life

things changed when i was 15 years old, i was already interested in the modeling industry, thanks to tyra banks and supermodels.nl.. i became friends with a boy who was a fashion designer at school, who had a friend who was also a fashion designer and i had the biggest, sickest crush on him. we would talk about fashion and life lessons, and how to get his friend to notice me(i would put my head down and stay quiet at all times, making communication extremely difficult. he even asked my why i do such things, i would be like "idk".) sadly, i told him my feeling for him, and he rejected me which fucking hurts, if you've eeer been though it. we stayed friends though.. until june of 2008' his friend graduated... and that is when the fun begins.

sept 2008, was the year of pure misery. my life changed forever, without my bestfriend i couldnt relate to people who had the same interest as i did. soon this boy i liked moved away to "alternative" school, so i never saw him again. this was the turing point within the year, i had no friends to talk too. life sucked and the people in it, even the teachers were terrible. i began to loose weight, which destroyed my mind even more because i wasn't eating anything.


sept. 2009, my life chnaged yet again! i was 17, alone in the world again. loathing and waiting for love and affection once more. until that faithful day, i met someone new someone for once that cared about me in a long damn time. we became friends really fast, talked about fashion and life. i'm still great friends with him to this very day. even when i am having a bad day and i wan to be by myself, he's allways there for me. i may not truely feel blessed with this or as if i can trust him, i know dep down he's a really great friend. this is the first time in my life i've met someone who has the balls to even stay my friend, regardless of my situation. i may like some one right now and he might fucking hate me for it, my friend stayed by me. i need to stay away from people from now on, but he's a friend to stay, forever. even when there is a day i'll commit suicide for whatever reason, he'll stll be my friend.

soo yeah, my friend from four years ago truely inspired me to be the person i am now. i may not have changed that much, but y'know i am what i am and thats all that i am.

are you beautiful? do you consider youself a beauty at all?
nope, and nope. i was never a beautifl girl. cute maybe, but im not beautiful. mankind didnt bless me with a figure of a pornstar, nor a face of a beauty queen. it sucks because i get jealous of girl who have better lives than me and get hit on by guys 24/7. i want to look like that, but im fat and ugly and thats all that matters. hopefully, i'll dye my hair a lighter shade this weekend(not really) and that'll change my outlook on my appearnce. i also want facial piercing to enchange my face, like a monore, nose ring, or a medusa. on top of that i wana tattos over various parts of my body to acheve this desired look to look "cute" but not " sexy"

why would you often talk about smoking and wanting to start smoking? that kills you and make you ugly over time!
first of all asshole, im not smoking just because i want too. i want to find ways i can control my feelings. thats why i wanna start smoking. and i wont be smokin' real cigs, i'll be smokin' the vapor ones, so i wont be killing myself or putting people's lives in danger. if i smoke real cigs... than yes, i'll be fucked for life. but im ready for real cigs at this point. i'm an adult i can make my own descision whether you like it or not. people will not like me for saying these things, but its the truth. and i know smoking will not get guys to like me or whatever, im not doing that for them. i doing this for my benefit for controlling my inner thoughts and violent outburts. i'm doing this for me.

you write too much. why?
because i can, bitch.